A Christmas Visit with Jesus

Last night I dreamt I laid my head on Jesus's chest, and just sobbed.

His hair was longer than I'd always imagined, extra hippie-looking, but that's fitting for me. I didn't even feel sad in the beginning, it was almost like I just went to hug him, and then, as I rested my head there, the sobs came from somewhere deep within.

Still trying to process this, just had to get it written down before it faded into memory. Because, no, this is not something that's ever happened before... I do know that I felt very safe, I guess that may be obvious, safe enough to let it all out when I didn't even know it was there.

Just wow...

Dad

Happy 85th Birthday Dad!  I hope I'm doing as good as you when I get there!

I really hate this but it's true.

Surrendering to Singleness http://t.co/L6uv4HmG via @RELEVANT

peace and love...

I simply cannot focus on work today!  sheesh.  headache, yucky stomach... Could it be because i'm trying to quit coffee and carbs at the same time?  I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead this weekend, then Food Matters.  Wow.  Time to pay attention to what I'm putting in my body!

But that's not what I came here to say.  I just noticed that when I used to leave people, I would say 'Peace'... and now I've started saying 'Peace & Love'. 
(Well, depending on who I'm talking to... wouldn't want anyone to think I was flirting... ah. hell.  but aside from that little neurosis...)
What does that mean?  I'm happy for it, I do wish everyone peace and love, and I should let them know that.  That being said, I'll come back when I really have something to say.

Peace and Love,
~t.

What are you doing ?

Wait, wait,” God says. “Let me get this straight…”

“I gave you a body able to swim oceans and climb mountains…and you sat in a cubicle?” “Right.”

“I gave you creativity, and you made widgets?”  “Yes,” the guy says.

“The one thing I withheld from you–the only thing you could never get more of, time–you traded away for…?”

“Money,” the guy says.

I saw this on some website yesterday, and had to have it.  I tried to look for who to credit, but couldn't find it again...  I think it speaks for itself...

Another Point of View

Or is it?  This article is rather lengthy, but such good stuff.  I have strived for these exact same things - only with different terminology.  What they call 'the Divine', we call God.  Namaste - another way to say love, grace, acceptance.  


http://www.yesyoucanchangetheworld.com/info/namaste


Everything is connected - I really believe that.  There is a paragraph in this article that speaks exactly to what we've been learning in the TrueFaced study.  This sounds so much like the realm of Pleasing God, rather than Trusting God.  It speaks of beginning to act out of pure love and compassion, rather than a learned script of actions.
 
We get so focused on doing and thinking that we don't see the Divine that is right before us..."I think the reason we want to learn what to do and what to think is that doing so makes us feel safe. It gives us a sense of control. If someone gives me a 'proven' process or a step-by-step formula, it feels a lot easier, a lot more accessible, a lot more achievable."

If God is trying to teach me something, it comes at me in many different ways until I get it.  Or, he simply speaks in a way that I will understand.  I was taught all of my life that Eastern religions were wrong, and we should run from them in the same way we run from witchcraft.  I'm just not seeing it.  Everything in this article makes sense to me.  Nothing I've heard in my yoga class is anti-Christ.  In fact - it's brought me closer to God, by reminding me to be quiet, and listen, and pray.

I know only 2 or 3 people actually read this, but I welcome comments.  I would really like to know if I'm getting way out there, or if it makes sense to you, too.

Avett Inspired

OK, I know I'm supposed to be working... I'm just feeling a little 'off'.  Not sure why, maybe it's an illness, maybe just plain tired.  Complete lack of energy.  So I was surfing...
 
I ran across this article by Scott Avett today.  (Oh yeah, I'm a huge fan.  I feel like you can tell alot about people from their lyrics - and wow - a whole article!  He IS cool like I thought he was!  Here's proof. )

There's also a sermon by his grandfather, and a review of his book of sermons. 

http://museandspirit.org/winter2010.html

This takes you to the table of contents, and you have to click on the articles.  I dig it.  I thought my artist and musician friends might as well...

I love this quote from the book review "There are people who have many masks but no face of their own" - Rev. Clegg Avett

~~~

We came for salvation
We came for family
We came for all that's good that's how we'll walk away
We came to break the bad
We came to cheer the sad
We came to leave behind the world a better way
- The Avett Brothers 'Salvation Song'

Lessons from Shiloh...

You can learn so much from kids.  Shiloh will be 1 in two days. 

On Sunday, she was standing looking out the slider at my sister's house, and I was across the room, and I rolled a giant exercise ball (you know, the kind you sit on) towards her.  I guess I have really bad (or really good) aim - because I realized it wasn't going to end up close to her, it was going to hit her!  I was too far away to stop it, and I was freaking in my head, thinking - I'm going to hurt this child that I love - and she's going to be sad, and cry, and it will all be my fault...  I started towards her just as it rolled right into her.  Mind you, this thing is almost as tall as she is. 

Then, the coolest thing happened.  She turned to see what it was - and smiled and started playing with it.  She was happy.  I was happy (and relieved!).

I've just been tripping on what we can learn from that.  hmmm...

 - she was open to whatever it was that was interrupting her

 - she embraced it (literally!)

 - it ultimately brought her joy

I've been thinking lately about how everything is in our perception.  If I see the ball (or whatever) coming at me as an intrusion or threat, because I have my agenda - it's gonna screw up my whole day.  If I get interrupted, or things don't go as planned - and I am open to it - a whole new world could open up to me.

Let's look at every thing with awe and wonder, and embrace it, whatever it may be - change, loss, trials, random people striking up a conversation, anything that is unexpected.  I believe joy will follow.

Shiloh and her mommy.

True-faced or two-faced?

http://donmilleris.com/2011/05/04/when-doing-good-isnt-really-doing-good/

This blog from Don Miller is coming at me very timely.  We're doing a book study called 'TrueFaced', and it is kicking my self-righteous butt!

Just realizing how many things I've done through self-effort over the years, and selfishness.  Living in the realm of 'Pleasing God' - trying to do the right thing, and be a good person - rather than the realm of 'Trusting God' - letting him love me, just because he loves me - and he made me just who I am.  The book & video have a couple stories of different women, and how they have hurt others under the pretext of protecting themselves, or taking care of themselves.  Building a wall around you in order to protect.  And in doing so, others get hurt.

Yep, that's me. 

One of the things John Lynch said in the video last night was that when you wear a mask - you don't receive love - only the mask receives love.  Sad.

Sometimes the truth hurts, but - I believe - that 'when the student is ready, the teacher appears'.  So it's time for me to take down those masks, to be who I really am, to let God (and others) love me.  Then I will in turn be able to love others.

I wrote this poem when I was 16, Hmmm, I wrote it about someone else, but it seems appropriate...

Masks

Too many faces, I don't understand
Wearing your masks to no man's land
Seasons change, and so do we ~
But there's no need to hide from me.
I loved every face that you showed me,
though I know that they're really not you.
And every time I learn your ways,
you act out something new.

~tc

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

If there were a tag line for my life, that would be it.  It comes up again and again.  I just found out someone else I know is fighting a hard battle.  Everyone.  Everyone is.  So be nice, Teresa.  You never know what they're going through.

Are our Thoughts and Intentions really Prayers?

So here's a random one.  Guy walks up to me at church last night, I have no clue who he is, and when he tells me, I'm just blown.  Wow, haven't seen him in 32 years - and let's just say - the years haven't been all that good to him. 

We used to be close.  He's spent a lot of time in prisons - when I was 17 I visited him in a couple of them.  I wrote him a lot of letters.

So we're sitting in church watching a video, and all these memories are coming back...

He says that he's a Christian.  But, yeah, everybody says that...  But then after it's over, he says to me 'isn't God good?'   Yeah, God is good, and I realize - people don't just randomly say 'isn't God good? unless they've experienced his goodness.  Maybe he does know who God is - even though his life isn't perfect (who's is?). 

Then I remember this:  I was living in Woodland, and had read in the Lodi paper that he'd been arrested again, and would be heading back to prison - again.  I can't tell you what year this was - but I know it was sometime between 1995 - 1998, because I remember where I was living.  I just read that article, and felt compassion, and thought - this guy needs to know about Jesus, how sad for him that he's living out his life in prison.  Mind you, I hadn't seen him since around 1980.  So I wrote him a letter.   I sent it to the county jail - 999 W Mathews Road, French Camp. (I'd sent a lot of letters there over the years.)  Thing is - it came back.  They'd already shipped him off to the big house.  Oh well.  I forgot about it until last night.

But then somehow, somewhere along the line - he did learn about Jesus.  And I just saw that little letter that I wrote that day as a prayer.  That even though it didn't get to him, it got to God.  He read it, and he felt compassion, too.  And he put people in Greg's path somewhere along the line that told him the Truth. 

And once again, God blows me away with His love, His compassion - the length of His arms.

So I think - that our thoughts and intentions really are prayers - God is bigger than that we have to preface it with 'Dear God' and end it with 'Amen'.  He hears our heart when it cries out.  He speaks the language of our heart, in addition to properly formatted English.

something else i read that i like... ( i don't know who to attribute it to, just not me)

The Rules for Being Human

You will receive a body:
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

You will learn lessons:
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

There are no mistakes, only lessons:
Growth is a process of trial and error; experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

A lesson is repeated until learned:
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. You designed it that way.
When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.

Learning lessons does not end:
There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned/remembered.

“There” is no better than “Here”:
When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

Others are merely mirrors of you:
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

What you make of your life is up to you:
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

Your answers lie inside you:
The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you need do is look, listen and trust.

You will forget all this:
You can remember it whenever you want.

Native American Spirituality.

Got this from a friend today.  I like:

	Elder's Meditation of the Day - March 22 "Everything's so simple, and we make everything so complicated. That's why we're confused." -- Vickie Downey, TEWA/Tesuque Pueblo The Creator designed a very simple set of Laws for us to follow. If we follow these simple things, we'll be happy. If we don't follow these simple things, our lives become complicated. For example: Respect Mother Earth Love one another Be truthful Give to your brother and sisters Be gentle with each other Be happy Following these simple Laws will have great rewards. Great Spirit, let me lead a simple life.     The meditations are copyright of Coyhis Publishing and can also be found in the book, Meditations with Native American Elders: The Four Seasons at www.coyhispublishing.com. Any republishing of part or all of their contents is prohibited.

Another Lesson Learned: It never hurts to ask.

I know it never hurts to ask.  So I did.  "Is there any room for negotiation on the salary?" - Yes, yes there was.  So, instead of a 30% pay cut, there will only be a 25% pay cut.  Good deal.  So just ask already.  The worst they could say is no, and the best - well, that was better than I had hoped for!

March 1st begins the next chapter in the journey.  I'm ready!

Would you do it? Could you? #storyline

So - I hoped that they called me and they did!  and they interviewed me and they liked me and they offered me a job!  Yay!  I think... For some reason, today, I have been terrified!  This is what I've wanted and now that it's happening, I'm scared.  Sigh.  Just a big chicken.

I have to do it.  I have to I have to I have to.  I will.  It all happened so fast...

I learned at the #storyline conference I went to, that in order to force a story (my life, in this case), to turn a corner - there must be an 'inciting event'.  Something that makes the characters have to take action.  Sometimes at great personal cost.  Well, I think this is it.  The salary at this job is 30% less than I currently make.  The world will think I'm crazy.  I don't.  Would you take a 30% pay cut?  Could you?  To do work for an organization that you believed in?  That would free you up to do more in service to others?  And be way less stressful?  I've always believed in living debt-free, so yeah, I can do it.  I'll make a few adjustments, do away with some luxuries, rent out a room.  Yeah, I can do it.  And I know that God provides.  

I really don't know what I'm afraid of.  I believe in the values of this organization, in their mission - it so lines up with my own, and Gravity's.  I can do the job, I think I have just been focusing on the 'me' issue all day.  What if I don't get what I want/need (time off, my dental expenses paid for).  Trivial stuff, really.

Worse case scenario?  It doesn't work out - which forces another inciting event - and we get to go have another adventure.  Yeah, that's it, I've been looking at it all wrong.   I need to look at it as an adventure, and not be so dang worried about the details.

God's in control, not me.  Remember that, and you'll be OK.

Progress

I applied for a job today.  Oh, I hope, I hope I hope, that they just talk to me.  Even if I don't get it - I need to have hope that there are reasonable people in the business world.  "crossing fingers"!!!

New Year, New Things

It's a new year, and I am really feeling a change coming - I am so over this work place.  Looking for new opportunities - while keeping a smile on my face, and making the best of what is. 
Opportunity is everywhere - I was in some kind of a funk last month - I have shed the 2010 blues, and am back on track!
'..things are gonna change, i can feel it'